Final days in Calderitas

hiking to the river  with my host family during the Semana Santa

The entrance to the school.
The world map and map of El Salvador that I painted with a group of youth in my community

My best friend Lorena at the lake in my community.
Supposedly the home to crocodile and large snakes.
Cuidado!

My despedida at the school.  The school put this sports day in my name.  How kind.

They gifted me a really nice hammock and a plaque.  This a picture
of me receiving my plaque from a 5th grade student.
This student learned  how to say this in English and stood in front of the
entire school and said "Jamie, thank you for all your help and the work you
did in our school. You are such a nice person and we will never forget you"

Traffic jam

A sign before going to my community, Calderitas. 

My nephew Lenny nursing a wild bird.
 His mom, Lorena put a band-aid on it's open cuts.
They treated it and kept it in a shoe box until it was able to fly again.
They do the same with squirrels.

My friend, Reina and I
At the waterfall near my community.

My host sister, Allison with mango.
 We hiked to a nearby mango tree to climb to collect mango.

Jose and Oscar with their baby goats

Pig butchering day. No, I did not take part.
The 15 minute long squeal from this pig was
enough to give me chills.

Every story has its end.

As my journey is coming to an end, I'm finding myself completing a circle. I'm sitting at the houses of those people who once seemed so strange, so unfamiliar. Those people who I couldn't understand a word of what they said. Now I understand them, now I am comfortable with them, now I am their friend. It took me awhile to get to this point, breaking out of my comfort zone to get to know the people. Overcoming the difficulties of learning a new language. Once going to bed every night with a headache, because I just couldn't understand anyone. There were many times where I just couldn't stand to be around anyone. Not even my self. Having to overcome some of the lowest feelings I've ever had in my life. Having to do it alone, because noone here possible could understand how I was feeling. Sometimes my low moments would last weeks. I've been to places with myself, I hope to never visit again. Many times I just felt like giving up. I'm glad I didn't. I grew into such a stronger person. These moments helped me grow into a better person. The low moments made my high moments feel that much higher. That is how I kept with it. Since I had more high moments then low moments, and thanks to the wonderful people for just being there, I did it.

Throughout my 2 years here, I have met so many great people, who have taught me so much. Things about a different culture. About caring. About myself. About hope. About pain. About life. About living poorly. About the joys of living the simple life.

These people have found a special spot my heart.

It just tares me apart thinking about leaving here. I have had, hands down, the most life-changing and humbling experience of my whole entire life. Possibly the only experience I will have like this. Is it really coming to an end? Looking through my hard times, I really had it made here. There were many times I would say with my best friend Amy, "we're living the dream!". Many years from now this place, this experience will have certainly felt like a dream.
It's possible that never again I will have this. Feeling like a rockstar. Having everyone in your community call you by your name. People just so excited to see you. People who just love you to pieces and bend over backwards to make you comfortable. People who just give so much, even though they have so little to give.

In the United States, I will be just another American walking on by. Walking by people unfamiliar people on the street and not receiving any attention.

Things I am looking forward to most about returning to the States:

~ seeing all my friends & family
~ yummy food
~ sitting on a toilet and not worrying about what is below
~ not having to flick cockroaches off the toilet seat
~ concerts
~ XM radio to be introduced to new music
~ sleeping in past 6 (not waking up with the roosters)
~ having options of things to do for fun
~ not drinking out of a plastic bag
~ driving a car
~privacy
~seeing snow/4 seasons
~sleeping without a mosquito net
~a house without mice, bats, tarantulas, cockroaches, scorpions, etc. ~couches (I will miss my hammock though!)

~watching movies on something bigger then 9 inches
~having the freedom to leave when I want to leave
~having options of stuff to do "for fun"
~not feeling alone at night
~speaking in english
~having conversations outside the weather & corn

Things I'm worried about:

~staring at people; gringos and/or Latinos (wishing they were my Salvadorean friends, and/or wanting to speak Spanish with them)
~being socially awkward (talks about Ipod apps, politics, talks about recent movies and TV shows will be way over my head)
~forgetting how to speak Spanish
~not feeling famous when I walk around somewhere. I'm just another American walking the streets
~annoying people with how much I will talk about El Salvador, and being limited with what I will say because I don't want to be too anoying or lose anyones attention
~being frustrated when I see someone waste food
~anxiety attacks in the super market (the produce section of a super market in the states is pretty comparable to the size of a super market here)
~ feeling frustrated when someone complains~ not having appropriate table manners (using itensils incorrectly, throwing food on the floor [some animal will eat it], setting my plate on my lap instead of the table, etc.)
~gaining 50 pounds
~not finding a job
~not knowing how to operate recent technology
~and missing the hell out my community, and having desires to be back there again :(

Next week I'm heading to Belize to see my family. From there I am flying to Chile, and will spend the summer traveling throughout South and Central America.
By the end of it all, I will have seen some of most beautiful things this world has to offer (ice capped mountains in Chile, the beautiful beaches of Colombia, the enormous waterfalls in Argentina, the Amazon forest and the Incan ruins in Peru, etc. I will have many stories to share about my travels, about my journey. However, there is one journey, I will not be able to explain in a story. A journey that can't be put into words. A journey that no one will never be able to understand. This is the journey that I had with myself during my 2 years in a developing country. What I found on this journey... I will take with me for the rest of my life. Thank you to everyone in the small village of Calderitas for being there with me on this journey. A tiny community filled with people with enormous hearts.

Peace Corps El Salvador. July 19th, 2010 - April 10th, 2012
The road less taken (but more people should...)
Check back to read my traveling blogs!

My experience is now complete...

I killed my first animal this week. This is something that I didn't really want to do (once being a vegetarian and all, I feel great lastima at the thought of killing these animals), but I feel it was something I had to do to complete my experience as a Peace Corps Volunteer living in the campo of El Salvador.

It started with the killing of a chicken (or just plain torturing the pobrecito). The knife was dull so it took a couple minutes of cutting back and forth before I finally cut it's throat open. I didn't have my camera, so I returned back the next day to kill a hen (in which I had my camera for). I killed the hen, plucked out its feathers, cut off its legs, but I didn't have it in me to actually pull out its insides. That is that, without much more to say other then, what have I done!!?! haha.

My last PC Blog EVER to follow soon. Look for it in the next few weeks. My last day in my community is April 9th.

12 reasons to date a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer:

1. We can woo you in multiple languages. Who else is going to whisper sweet nothings to you in everything from Albanian to Hausa to Quechua to Xhosa? That’s right. Only a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer.

2. We’re pretty good dancers. Yeah, we don’t like to brag, but after 27 months in Latin America or Africa we know how to move it.

3. We’ll eat anything. Seriously. No matter how bad your cooking, Returned Peace Corps Volunteers have had worse and will eat it with nary a blink. Sheep’s eyeball? Water buffalo gall bladder? Grasshoppers? Bush rat? Bring it.

4. We know all about safe sex, thanks to our very thorough Peace Corps health training. In fact, there’s a chance that we’ve stood unblushingly in front of hundreds of villagers and demonstrated good condom technique with a large wooden phallus.

5. We’ll kill spiders for you. Well, actually, we’ll nonchalantly scoop them up and put them out of sight. Same goes for mice, geckos, frogs, snakes. Critters don’t faze Returned Volunteers.

6. We have great date ideas: wandering a street market, checking out a foreign film, taking in a world music concert, volunteering…. Romantic getaway? Our passport is updated and our suitcase is packed. With us, life is always an adventure.

7. We like you for “you”… not your paycheck. Especially if we are freshly back from service, a local joint with “character” will win out over a pretentious eatery. Living in a group house? No problem. Does it have running hot water? What luxury!

8. You won’t get lost when you’re with a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer. Navigating local markets on four continents, we’ve honed an uncanny sense of direction. Or else we’ll ask for directions. We’re not afraid to talk to “strangers.”

9. Waiting for a late train or bus? Don’t worry, we’ve been there, done that. We can share lots of funny stories about “the bus ride from hell” that will make the time go quickly and put it all into perspective.

10. Our low-maintenance fashion style. Returned Peace Corps Volunteer guys are secure in their manhood and don’t mind rocking a sarong. Women often prefer flip flops to high heels. We don’t spend hours in front of a mirror getting ready to go out.

11. Marry us, and you won’t just get one family — you’ll get two! When we refer to our “brother” or “mom,” you’ll want to be certain we’re talking about our American one or our Peace Corps one. You might even get two wedding ceremonies, one in the U.S. and one back in our Peace Corps country.

12. And last but not least, we aren’t afraid to get dirty.

What does your path look like?

Sorry for a delayed blog, but as most of you know, I had a lot going on this past month. About 2 months ago, we received news that Peace Corps Washington are making major changes within their program here, to better protect the safety of the volunteers here. There is a huge problem with gangs, drug trafficking, and violence. I’ve been coming across a lot of these problems recently here in my department of San Vicente. The pick up/bus drivers have to pay a renta to the gangs here, and when they don’t, the gangs don’t mess around, they just kill the driver. Just the other day a pick up driver (a pick up I sometimes take) was shot and killed. A few days after this, the pick up drivers to my community were asked to pay $2,000. Instead of paying it, they are just going to stop driving. My community does not know when we will have transportation again. The people in my community have to hike an hour and a half out to the nearest road where pick ups will take them into the nearest pueblo. Lucky for me, and ironically enough, a recent change that was made for those in my department of San Vicente, is that we will have private Peace Corps transportation. I was against this idea, because it takes me away from the integration into my community. Rolling up in a fancy vehicle, and not spending time on the pick up talking to people in my community, sets me apart from them. Not to mention, I LOVE riding the country side standing on the back of a pick up. However, with these recent incidents, I have come to respect the decision Peace Corps has made on protecting my safety.

Come March, I will be the only volunteer left in this department, with the nearest volunteer being over 2 hours away. My best Peace Corps friend, Amy has left a month ago, which was extremely hard for me. We lived within an hour of each other, and met up weekly in San Vicente. I’m realizing more then ever just how important it is to have that gringa friend that is going through the same stuff, and understands you much more then Salvadorians ever will. Peace Corps has given us all the option of closing our service early, while still receiving full benefits. Amy made the decision to leave early, along with a few other volunteers here. If I didn’t have to leave in April, Peace Corps would change my community as well, because this department is becoming more and more dangerous. So that leads me into another change Peace Corps Washington has made here; my group (that came together last July) is being forced to COS (Close of Service) 5 months early (from September to April). They are trying to get the number of PC Volunteers down to 50, to focus on the safety of fewer people. They are changing the communities of many volunteers to put them in “clusters” to help better their safety and security.

Just like that… The news comes telling you that you have to leave 5 months early. I had a really hard time accepting this. All this time and effort that I put into this strange place with these different people. It has taken me so much time and effort, and moments of breaking out of my comfort zone to get the trust within my community. To have them accept me and feel comfortable with me. To have them stop looking at me like a zoo exhibit. Despite my gringa accent and my white skin, I think I did an alright job immersing myself, and being like them. I think we all found we are more similar then we thought. Now that I got their confianza (gained their trust and formed relationships), and learned their language, I feel I could be really productive this year. It's hard leaving knowing I could have done a lot more. The thought of leaving behind all the friendships I made just tares me apart too. Leaving here will be 100 times harder then coming here.

After going through probably THE roughest month I had in my entire life, emotionally, I feel like I've come to the “acceptance” stage of all of this. I’m not sure if I am completely at this stage, nor am I ready to leave in April, but I’m handling things much better. Instead of moping on, “I haven’t done enough for my community. There is still so much to do!” I’ve begun to look at all the things that I have done for my community, and that I should be able to accomplish in the next 2 months. I’m not sure if one could ever leave a third-world country feeling completely satisfied, like they have done enough. There is just always something to be done. The decision of us to leave early is something that is out of my control. It is a dangerous country, and I can’t blame them for wanting to make huge changes to the better protect their volunteers. Instead of feeling bad that I have to leave 5 months early, I feel completely blessed to have gotten to spend a year and a half of my life in such a beautiful place as El Salvador, and to meet some of the nicest, most genuine people I have ever met in my life (and to live the simple life with them). People who have taken me in as a complete stranger and treated me like their own family. This experience I will never ever forget.

So when I leave here in April, I plan on traveling Central/South America for a few months. I think this will help with the transition going back into the states. I’m not actually sure when I’ll be home , but on April 12th, 2012 my service as a Peace Corps Volunteer in El Salvador will come to an end.

Christmas in the campo

Christmas is a really strange time here. Mainly, because it doesn't by any means, feel like Christmas. There is no snow, no Christmas trees, no Christmas cookies, no presents, nor christmas lights. No one even says Feliz Navidad. Although the holidays are often a hard time for me, especially because I'm not near my loved ones, I've managed to have a great time here in the campo. Christmas is a time of many fireworks. All day, and all night. Unfortunately, not so much the fun ones. Mainly the ones that just blow up and sound like gun shots. There are fireworks in the hands of about every child here beginning at the age of 2. Many of these fireworks are thrown at each other, as the fireworks blow up just feet from their faces.


(World Map project)

Christmas is also a time of lots of drinking, which is done so in private. My friend had a dance at her house. No one actually had a drink in their hand , but many of them were drinking. It is a very secretive thing here, especially for the women. They will drink in private, and then come back outside with the rest of the party.



Some guys here just drink and drink and drink, until they are passed out on the street. These guys give drinking such a negative label. Some people just don't understand that you can "socially drink" . There was a guy passed out outside my house the next morning, that I had to walk over to get to the bathroom. He was there until 5 that afternoon. At one point we had to move his unconscious body to a shady area.

Despite the drunken guys passed out in the streets, and the concern I have for the many little kids with dangerous fireworks, Christmas is a time of the year that is muy alegre. Everyone is so happy that it is Christmas, especially the children. Perhaps even happier then some American children, who are upset they didn't get that certain toy they wanted. It certainly is a humbling experience for me. Next year, I will eat my fair share of Christmas cookies.
Anyway, I had a very nice visit with my sister-in-law Greta. We went to Antigua, Guatemala for a few days. I hiked my first active volcano, and even got to roast a marshmallow on top! We went to Semuc Champey, which consists of many natural pools, and waterfalls. It is said to be the most beautiful place in the country. I don't really know much of Guatemala, but because of the neat, rare blue-greenish color of the water and towering jungle walls all around, I find that statement very easy to be true. It was fun hiking there, and entering all the caves. Swimming through a cave with a candle in one hand was a pretty neat experience. Cliff jumping inside was super fun too! The only downfall to our trip would be when our "7 hour" ride from Semuc Champey to Antigua, turned out to be 17 hours. The shuttle had an issue with the tire and the driver insisted on driving even though our tire was basically falling off. He wouldn't pull over, until we basically yelled at him to do so. We waited at a gas station for about 5 hours before another shuttle came for us. It didn't turn out to be such a bad experience, because we really got to know some great people from all over the world, one being a former PCV who was from the first group of volunteers in Guatemela from the sixties.

So all the volunteers here are in this waiting game. All the volunteers in Honduras are being removed from the country due to safety and security concerns. They are interviewing all of us as well regarding how safe we feel here. To my understanding, If enough people say they feel unsafe there is a possibility that DC will close the program here too, which I hope that isn't the case. As there are some days, I yearn for the comfortable life; something other then cornflakes for breakfast and peanut butter and jelly for lunch. Watching a movie on a screen bigger then 7 inches sounds great. A house free of rats, cockroaches, spiders and scorpions... now we are talking. Speaking in English every day! Having conversations that go beyond the weather, and what is happening in the community. Washing machines! It all sounds great, really. However, I am not ready to leave here yet. I feel like there is so much I can do still, and that I want to do. I don't want to cheat my community, and these wonderful people. Who knows when they will get another Peace Corps volunteer?! I've come to do 2 years, and I planned on being here until September. I would be deeply saddened to leave here so abruptly. I guess we will just wait and see.

Some photos from Dia del Indio: (A day where all the kids are dressed in indigineous clothing, and an afternoon is spent running aroudn smashing eggs filled with confetti and glitter over peoples heads. This happened for about 4 hours. It got old after about 20 minutes. As I was continually smacked over the head with these eggs, I kept reminding myself...cultural experience Jamie.

Dinero, dinero, dinero. Rapido, rapido rapido!

If you are planning on visiting me, please do not read on.

So after 16 months into my service, I had my first encounter with the gang here (outside of a seeing a shot gang member on the road). Last weekend a group of volunteers here left from San Salvador to head to Carnaval (a huge party here every year that brings a ton of different music groups and people, as well as the gangs.). We were on a bus heading here, when the bus driver decided to pull over and pick up 2 guys with bandanas around their neck. These guys came on with guns and knives. (Mind you: I did not want to see what was going on, nor did I want them to know I was a gringa, So I turned to look out the window so I didn't have to look at them with a hand to my face, and stuck my hand out with money to give them. ) My friends later told me exactly what happened. It was relatively quick and painless. The whole thing took about 5 minutes, even though it felt like a half an hour.

So I started the world map project in the school with a group of kids. As much as I'm alittle nervous they might mess it up, I think it's better to do it as a group. The kids will always remember what countries they painted, and it gives them something fun to do. The map is near the entrance to the school and will be 5x10 feet. I'll be sure to send some pictures. We are using the grid method, where every block is something different. We just finished drawing it, in which I'm quite impressed and we hope to get started on the painting within the next few days. Next week I'm doing a week long computer class for the 9th graders who are going on to High School. The rest of the school is on vacation until the end of January. Busy busy busy. I'm excited to have Greta, my sister-in-law come in a few weeks. It will be a much deserved vacation to Antigua, Guatemala. Woohoo!