What does your path look like?

Sorry for a delayed blog, but as most of you know, I had a lot going on this past month. About 2 months ago, we received news that Peace Corps Washington are making major changes within their program here, to better protect the safety of the volunteers here. There is a huge problem with gangs, drug trafficking, and violence. I’ve been coming across a lot of these problems recently here in my department of San Vicente. The pick up/bus drivers have to pay a renta to the gangs here, and when they don’t, the gangs don’t mess around, they just kill the driver. Just the other day a pick up driver (a pick up I sometimes take) was shot and killed. A few days after this, the pick up drivers to my community were asked to pay $2,000. Instead of paying it, they are just going to stop driving. My community does not know when we will have transportation again. The people in my community have to hike an hour and a half out to the nearest road where pick ups will take them into the nearest pueblo. Lucky for me, and ironically enough, a recent change that was made for those in my department of San Vicente, is that we will have private Peace Corps transportation. I was against this idea, because it takes me away from the integration into my community. Rolling up in a fancy vehicle, and not spending time on the pick up talking to people in my community, sets me apart from them. Not to mention, I LOVE riding the country side standing on the back of a pick up. However, with these recent incidents, I have come to respect the decision Peace Corps has made on protecting my safety.

Come March, I will be the only volunteer left in this department, with the nearest volunteer being over 2 hours away. My best Peace Corps friend, Amy has left a month ago, which was extremely hard for me. We lived within an hour of each other, and met up weekly in San Vicente. I’m realizing more then ever just how important it is to have that gringa friend that is going through the same stuff, and understands you much more then Salvadorians ever will. Peace Corps has given us all the option of closing our service early, while still receiving full benefits. Amy made the decision to leave early, along with a few other volunteers here. If I didn’t have to leave in April, Peace Corps would change my community as well, because this department is becoming more and more dangerous. So that leads me into another change Peace Corps Washington has made here; my group (that came together last July) is being forced to COS (Close of Service) 5 months early (from September to April). They are trying to get the number of PC Volunteers down to 50, to focus on the safety of fewer people. They are changing the communities of many volunteers to put them in “clusters” to help better their safety and security.

Just like that… The news comes telling you that you have to leave 5 months early. I had a really hard time accepting this. All this time and effort that I put into this strange place with these different people. It has taken me so much time and effort, and moments of breaking out of my comfort zone to get the trust within my community. To have them accept me and feel comfortable with me. To have them stop looking at me like a zoo exhibit. Despite my gringa accent and my white skin, I think I did an alright job immersing myself, and being like them. I think we all found we are more similar then we thought. Now that I got their confianza (gained their trust and formed relationships), and learned their language, I feel I could be really productive this year. It's hard leaving knowing I could have done a lot more. The thought of leaving behind all the friendships I made just tares me apart too. Leaving here will be 100 times harder then coming here.

After going through probably THE roughest month I had in my entire life, emotionally, I feel like I've come to the “acceptance” stage of all of this. I’m not sure if I am completely at this stage, nor am I ready to leave in April, but I’m handling things much better. Instead of moping on, “I haven’t done enough for my community. There is still so much to do!” I’ve begun to look at all the things that I have done for my community, and that I should be able to accomplish in the next 2 months. I’m not sure if one could ever leave a third-world country feeling completely satisfied, like they have done enough. There is just always something to be done. The decision of us to leave early is something that is out of my control. It is a dangerous country, and I can’t blame them for wanting to make huge changes to the better protect their volunteers. Instead of feeling bad that I have to leave 5 months early, I feel completely blessed to have gotten to spend a year and a half of my life in such a beautiful place as El Salvador, and to meet some of the nicest, most genuine people I have ever met in my life (and to live the simple life with them). People who have taken me in as a complete stranger and treated me like their own family. This experience I will never ever forget.

So when I leave here in April, I plan on traveling Central/South America for a few months. I think this will help with the transition going back into the states. I’m not actually sure when I’ll be home , but on April 12th, 2012 my service as a Peace Corps Volunteer in El Salvador will come to an end.