The only one who will change will be yourself

Month 9 ...

The month they warned us about. The month where "the plague of the campo" begins. Frustrations, loneliness, struggles. The feelings of having no one, the frustrations of how slowwwwwwwwwwly things get done , the feeling of not being productive.. How can I possibly convince my community to change their views on things, and to try new things, when they have been doing the same thing their whole lives.

It's hard having low moments in the campo - because you really have to get through it by yourself (being miles away from the closest gringo, lack of internet, and living with 700 other people who just don't understand me.)

Changing my mind, and changing the way I look at things and people, usually help me get out of my slumps. It is so easy to stay by myself in my hammock, but I refused to do that. Getting out of my house helps every time. Exercise. Talk. Learn new things. Meet new people.

I also decided to take the happiest moment from each day and write them in my journal: These were some of my moments from last week:
The 3 years old, smarty-pants, kid here finally said, "Salud Jamie!!" He's been saying "Salud Gringa!" for the past 7 months.

• A month ago a 5th grader here fell out of a tree climbing for mangoes. She is in a cast up to her stomach, and is basically stuck in a bed for the next month. I made a card for everyone in her class to sign, and also gave her beads and thread for her to make bracelets. She was extremely happy. Yo tambien!
• Seeing Julietta Vonega in concert! If anyone has this, can they burn me a copy?!
• Receiving the best hugs I ever had in my life from my 2 year old host sister ever time I see her.
  

So during some of the lowest moments I had in my entire life this past month, the thought of leaving this place, never once popped in my mind. Okay, well maybe once, but only with the thought of "no way, that's just crazy". Those moments of isolation and frustration are normal for every volunteer. It's frustrating, because I don't know if the people in my campo will truly understand me or know who I am. I'm not even sure a lot of them understand why I am here. Nonetheless, they are some of the most genuine and caring people I have ever met.

No matter how poor these people are; they will always lavish me with food during each visit. They will send their 5 year old daughter up the tree to bring me down a bag full of mangoes. They will send their 9 year old son to the tienda to bring me back a coffee.. They will ask me if I know their cousin Jose that lives in Michigan. They want to get to the bottom of it; 27 year old girl without a boyfriend or children? How?!! They really don't ask, "So how are you going to help my community?", It's usually "How are your parents doing?", "Are you going to come to this event with me?", or "When are you comingg back to visit?"

Through all my frustrations & feelings of loneliness, I am still thankful everyday to be living in a beautiful country with incredible people. I love these people, and I am just not ready to leave(whatever it is I'm looking for, it's not complete - I'm not done here yet) What it comes down to is there really isn't any other place I would rather be right now. So I just need to embrace it, cause I know it will be over before I know it.


As a side note, I would like to say THANK YOU to all of those who are contributing to my computer project here! I would give individual thanks, but I can't see who is donating until afterward.

As another side note, they began working on my bathroom. I think i may be the only peace corps volunteer in this country that will be blessed with a toilet inside, hot showers, and a bathtub!