Some days it don't come easy, some days it don't come hard, some days it don't come at all, and these are the days that never end

That pretty much describes my life right now. Some days are incredible - really having an "on" day ,sitting and having conversations with people, feeling loved by many people, laughing, being greeted with hugs by the little kids at school, feeling SO lucky to be in such a beautiful place with the nicest people I have ever met. Thinking to myself, there really is no other place in the world where I want to spend the next 2 years of my life. This is incredible.

then the OTHERS; where I'm the awkward gringa where people are wondering why I'm here, probably wondering what I am saying when I talk to them, being whispered about, stared at, pointed at, having no privacy at all. Being watched ALL the time. These are the days where I just want to speak english with another volunteer, someone who is in this same position. But I can't do that. And i just wait for the next day..

and then some days where it don't come at all, and these are the days that never end. Those days where I get up at 5am, get out of my pajamas around 1130. Think about doing something productive at about 130. Then it starts raining. When it rains here, noone leaves thier house. It stops raining about an hour later, but its too muddy to leave my house. So I watch some music videos from the 80s with my sisters, eat dinner, make some bracelets, and call it a night around 800. Feeling like I did nothing all day.
Well, maybe I did have a somewhat productive day after all? I was able to somewhat translate my sisters favorite song from the 80s for her. I taught the rest of my family how to make bracelets. One of the only times I saw them all in the same room together. I taught my 12 sister more english words. I made the severely depressed mother in this house smile twice today.

how i know i am growing accostume to living here
- I don't think anything of it when I go with my family to visit their family, and we have to hike over 2 hours to get there
- soccer matches in the street are the highlite of my day.
- joining my family in talking about a gringa that we see (oh mi dios! look at the gringa! jamie go find out why she is here)
- I no longer use the latrine either. The side of the house is much closer (and less stinky). I also have given up using utensils.
- Shaving my legs is way out of the question. I still shave my armpits, but I know I'm the minority.
- I officially do the hand gesture for Puchica (a word meaning damn, wow, no way!) (which is a flick of the wrist by the ear) at least 3 times a day.
- I don't have the urge to be around other Americans. El Salvadorians are cool. I love to learn about them. I have so much to learn from them, they have so much to learn about me. It's why I'm here.
- When a dog approaches me when I don't want it to, I do the "chch" noise and say "chucho" angerily.
- I'm becoming okay with doing absolutely nothing. Taking my time with just about everything I do. Spending hours just sipping on some coffee and sitting with people.

So my spanish teacher today, called me "gordita" (fat!). I tried telling myself, jamie you are just misunderstanding spanish again. Nope, there was no escaping that one. I am getting fat! Damn tortillas. El Salvadorians don't find it offensive when they call each other fat. It's "flattering" to them. Feeling alittle upset, I go back to my community, and start telling some of the people here that someone told me i was getting fat!! They respond with a rapid shake of their heads "yes" and start pointing to places where I have gained weight. *sigh. No worries, teaching the women here aerobics and yoga is in the near future. I also joined a womens soccer team here. Theres still no escaping those tortillas.