One down, one to go.

So yes, I am aware I haven't written in my blog in awhile. Well, for a few reasons: Some punk stole my internet stick, so my internet access is limited. For two, everything is normal for me. I've been here over a year; this is my life. Spanish is my language. These are my people (even though I don't look, think, or eat the same as them). El Salvador is my home, & everything is normal. The roosters waking me up at 5:00 a.m. Electricity going out for days at a time. The rain coming down so hard that I get wet in my house. Spanish, spanish, spanish (is it possible that I'm losing my English?). The constant killing of cockroaches, scorpions, and spiders in my house. The mosquito bites all day long. The continued failed attempts to kill the rats in my house. The heat. The constant sweating. Introducing them to the food I make here and seeing the confused look on their faces. Washing my clothes by hand. Walking 2 hours to go somewhere, when there is no transportation.. Riding in the back of a pick up with 40 other people, when we do have transportation. Dirty feet. Going to the bathroom in a outhouse full of flies, cockroaches, spiders, and alot of "what the hell is that thing" insects. Freezing cold bucket baths that just take the breath out of me. Having the same conversations over and over. (Are you washing your clothes? Yes, I am washing my clothes. It looks like it's going to rain today. I hope it rains, its so hot. Your family? They went back to the states. Aw, when did your family leave? 6 months ago. When are they going to visit again? Next year sometime. Your mom is so young. Yeah. (Thinking, she is actually the same age, it just looks like a 15 year age difference.) WHAT! you DON'T eat tortilla? (With the thought of she's going to die... and before I know it they are back at my house giving tortillas.) Clearing up their perceptions about the United States & answering their bizarre questions; Yes, there are flies in the U.S., Yup, thunder and lightning too. Yes, husbands cheat on their wives up there as well. No, I don't know your cousin Carlos who lives in Los Angeles. STILL clearing up their understanding as to why I am here. (No matter how many assembleas I talk in to the whole community, no matter how many conversations I have with them, they still don't understand why I would want to be here, let only voluntarily.) So you are here doing credit for your University? You must be getting paid a lot of money to live here? Your family lives in San Salvador? Explaining to them, how I want to be here. I want to help them. I want to live like them. In one month I live off enough money that is equivalent to what an average person makes in 3 days of work in the U.S. I refuse to dip into my American savings. I want to live poorly like them; it's part of the experience. In my best attempt to explain all that, they still don't possibly "get it". Why would she want to be here? When all of my family left me and risked their life to go up there.

So yes, if you haven't figured this out already, things slowly get down around here. Slowly but surely. The computer company told us "this week" about 4 weeks ago, so yup still waiting on them. I'll keep everyone posted once we receive them. I recently won a grant to get sports equipment for the school & community. I'm going to my buy baseball gloves for my softball team. (So maybe we won't lose 80-15 anymore. They are starting to practice with the 2 gloves that we do have. They put the left handed glove on their right hand and look at me with the confused look of, "Ok Jamie, now what?".) I also plan to get basketball hoops for the school, and more jump ropes. Once we get the equipment, I hope to help with gym class, and introduce new sports to them.

So I'm heading back to that magical, mysterious place up north, called the United States of America next month (September 22-October 10th!). I'm super excited. It's a weird feeling telling my neighbors here that I will be visiting friends that live 15 minutes away from their family in the states that they haven't seen in over 15 years.

I'm super excited just thinking about all the yummy foods I'm going to eat and the kind of things I plan to do. For example; Back massage, Drive a car if i still remember how to, spend possibly a full day in Target, fish sandwiches and chocolate milkshakes at the Fence, eat Thai food at least once a week, Smores, Blue Moon & Magic Hat, hike to the top of a mountain, ride both my road and mountain bike, put all my hand washed stretched out clothes in the dryer, PIZZA, Waffles, lie on carpet with my dog Maggie, Sushi, take a hot shower at least 2 times a day - Just to mention a few things I will be enjoying ;)

Things I imagine that are going to happen: having a panic attack when I enter a giant grocery store, having everyone telling me how fat I am, getting frustrated when people complain and waste food, not feeling famous (walking around a town and having no one acknowledge me or know my name), feeling overwhelmed how fast moving people are, sleeping 13 hours a night, forgetting that it actually is enforced to obey road signs while driving, gaining another 15 pounds, not having people talking to me ALL the time & potentially having a great amount of alone time, talking about El Salvador every moment of the day, people being completely annoyed that I talk about it so much, and missing the heck out of El Salvador and the people here, but absolutely loving spending time with all my family and friends from the USA!!

38 days!

(Photo #1: Bringing water from miles away from our lake. (No, actually not! But this is what I would be like if I was a PC volunteer in my site 8 years ago) Photo #2 The Park in La Palma, Chaletenango -so beautiful there, Picture # 3 A group of girls during gym class, playing make believe stuff with their trash, Picture #4 - A group of Kindergartners playing in the jungle gym. Photo #5 - Participating in a "marcha" to stop gold mining here in El Salvador, Photo #6- La Palma again, Photo #7- Some 5th grade students and myself (my favorite grade!) The last photo is of my softball team! Can you guess which one I am??)

I'm never alone. I'm alone all the time.

To all those generous and incredible people that helped donate to my project, thank you. No matter how small of a donation you gave, your hearts are huge. Because of your help, I will be able to buy 15 computers for the school in my community. I'll be sure to keep everyone posted and send individual thank you's with photos.

So rainy season has arrived, and how I've long awaited this! However, there are some downsides, like all the creepy crawlers that invade my house. Let me name a few by beginning with...
Scorpions! They like to hide in mysterious places, like my clothing and soccer cleats.
Beetles - They fly around inside my house and I always confuse their loud, obnoxious sound for bumblebees. Anyway, they fly around my house, hit the wall, fall, and shortly thereafter die. Then swarms of ants later invade my house to take care of the dead beetle.
Cockroaches - Pues, at least now I don't have to worry about them biting me while I'm going to the bathroom. Oh the joys of having an indoor bathroom! And a bathtub too! I'm not quite sure what I did to deserve such luxuries.
Tarantulas - Fortunately, I haven't encountered any in my house. But yes, they are around town too.
Rats, frogs, flies, more frogs, and how could I forget, mosquitoes. I'm not leaving this country without getting Dengue at least twice. The mosquitoes here actually seem to prefer the taste of deet.
That's just some of my housemates... The rest just look strange and weird, and I don't know the names of them.



Rainy season is also the time where electricity comes and goes as it pleases. Sometimes for days a time.

The perk of rainy season = reading and taking siestas in my hammock without feeling guilty about it. It also means more alone time! It's funny just how little alone time I have, but yet I feel so alone. The only gringa. Just imagine. Dear community, I don't look like you. I don't talk like you. I don't think like you. You don't understand me. I don't understand you. (I'm not saying this because of the language barrier, either.) Some days I feel like I just don't have anyone. Noone understands what I'm going through on my bad days. I have no one to talk to that could somewhat understand me. But every time I'm falling in a slump, I leave my house before it gets too bad. I travel around the village; go to the school, visit my awesome host family, receive hugs from my 2 year old host brother and sister, watch novellas with friends, drink coffee with the elders, play soccer with the little kids, climb mango trees with the third cycle students, etc. I return back to my house with the feeling from having no one to the feeling of having 780 people. We come from 2 completely different worlds & we will never understand each other... But Dear Community, I love you. Thanks for accepting me.

So according to the "emotional path of a Peace Corps volunteer", one begins feeling "normal" again by month 12 (next month)... Everything around me is normal. This is my life. This is my campo. And these are my people; even though they don't look, sound, or think like me. Everything is normal to me. Except myself. It sounds ridicolous, but it's true... when I'm having a "normal day" I feel extremely high. Due partly to all those really low moments we all come across. Those low moments make the high feel that much higher.

So what else is going on?
I spent a few days in Roatan, Honduras.... SCUBA DIVING! Awesome!

Lately, I've been teaching a TON of English to kids. Since EVERY single child from 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade wants to learn English, the school fit clase de ingles into their daily agenda. We'll see how long the excitement of English class lasts. The kids are actually telling me I need to give more exams! What 4th grader actually wants to take a test? These kids rock!

I'm also teaching exercise class to a few ladies. If only the ladies in my community were as motivated to exercise as the kids in my community are to learn English, they will be a little less gorda. The motivation is lacking, but the excuses certainly are not.

We had our first softball game, in which we lost (90 to 30... mas o menos) ... but I think we have some great potential. I'm hoping to win this grant that I applied for, so I can provide my team with baseball mits. Dropping the ball seems to be the main problem here.

That's it for now. I promise not to wait 2 months before writing another blog.
I booked my flight! September 22nd until October 10th. I'm going to the United States of America! Hip hip hooray!

The only one who will change will be yourself

Month 9 ...

The month they warned us about. The month where "the plague of the campo" begins. Frustrations, loneliness, struggles. The feelings of having no one, the frustrations of how slowwwwwwwwwwly things get done , the feeling of not being productive.. How can I possibly convince my community to change their views on things, and to try new things, when they have been doing the same thing their whole lives.

It's hard having low moments in the campo - because you really have to get through it by yourself (being miles away from the closest gringo, lack of internet, and living with 700 other people who just don't understand me.)

Changing my mind, and changing the way I look at things and people, usually help me get out of my slumps. It is so easy to stay by myself in my hammock, but I refused to do that. Getting out of my house helps every time. Exercise. Talk. Learn new things. Meet new people.

I also decided to take the happiest moment from each day and write them in my journal: These were some of my moments from last week:
The 3 years old, smarty-pants, kid here finally said, "Salud Jamie!!" He's been saying "Salud Gringa!" for the past 7 months.

• A month ago a 5th grader here fell out of a tree climbing for mangoes. She is in a cast up to her stomach, and is basically stuck in a bed for the next month. I made a card for everyone in her class to sign, and also gave her beads and thread for her to make bracelets. She was extremely happy. Yo tambien!
• Seeing Julietta Vonega in concert! If anyone has this, can they burn me a copy?!
• Receiving the best hugs I ever had in my life from my 2 year old host sister ever time I see her.
  

So during some of the lowest moments I had in my entire life this past month, the thought of leaving this place, never once popped in my mind. Okay, well maybe once, but only with the thought of "no way, that's just crazy". Those moments of isolation and frustration are normal for every volunteer. It's frustrating, because I don't know if the people in my campo will truly understand me or know who I am. I'm not even sure a lot of them understand why I am here. Nonetheless, they are some of the most genuine and caring people I have ever met.

No matter how poor these people are; they will always lavish me with food during each visit. They will send their 5 year old daughter up the tree to bring me down a bag full of mangoes. They will send their 9 year old son to the tienda to bring me back a coffee.. They will ask me if I know their cousin Jose that lives in Michigan. They want to get to the bottom of it; 27 year old girl without a boyfriend or children? How?!! They really don't ask, "So how are you going to help my community?", It's usually "How are your parents doing?", "Are you going to come to this event with me?", or "When are you comingg back to visit?"

Through all my frustrations & feelings of loneliness, I am still thankful everyday to be living in a beautiful country with incredible people. I love these people, and I am just not ready to leave(whatever it is I'm looking for, it's not complete - I'm not done here yet) What it comes down to is there really isn't any other place I would rather be right now. So I just need to embrace it, cause I know it will be over before I know it.


As a side note, I would like to say THANK YOU to all of those who are contributing to my computer project here! I would give individual thanks, but I can't see who is donating until afterward.

As another side note, they began working on my bathroom. I think i may be the only peace corps volunteer in this country that will be blessed with a toilet inside, hot showers, and a bathtub!

Computers for kids!

To my friends and family, As you know, yours truly has been passing time in a small rural village in El Salvador. What an adventure I'm having!! Hard to believe, I've been here for 9 months. My first 7 months here I lived with a wonderful host family, but didn't have the most ideal living situation (sharing a tiny house with 7 people, a room with no door/no privacy, practically living out of my suitcase, eating beans and rice 3 times a day, a host mom in and out of the mental institution, going to the bathroom in an outhouse full of cockroaches, spiders, and flies,etc.) As much as I didn't mind living "rough", I knew having space and privacy would help my mind, and put me in a better mental space to interact and work more positively with the people here. Oh, how alone time, privacy, cooking healthy food, exercising, and organizing your belongings can do wonders for the mind & spirit. These people have given me so much, even though they have so little. They have allowed for me to grow positively, and to be taught some great life lessons. I'm ready to give back. I am trying to help the school here raise enough money to get 15 computers. I've been helping with some fund-raising, such as making and selling champu de sabila (aloe) with students in 7th, 8th, and 9th grade. I hope to also plan some more activities for the future. "Partnership Program" through Peace Corps allows anyone to donate to volunteers projects too. If anyone is interesting in donating money for this project, here is the link: https://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=519-158 Or from http://www.peacecorps.gov/ --- Go to Donate to Volunteers Projects. Two dollars, twenty dollars, or dos cordas. Any amount helps!! I appreciate it... as well as the 300 students here in this small rural village!! I included some pictures: The community; the school, my new house, and of the future computer lab. The gringa: carrying firewood on my head - no that is not sweat, i was swimming in the lake earlier!, getting the chicken ready for dinner, and milking a cow Photos of some of my projects: my english class, making shampoo, and the 5th grade students writing to their penpals in the states Enjoy! Hope everyone is well. Miss you all!! Gracias again for your generosity. Paz y amor. Jamie

Pura Vida

Costa Rica! What a beautiful country, and what a lovely time I had with my family there. We saw lots of wild monkeys. We confirmed that the monkey call is to just simply hold a banana straight up in the air. They will come for it. The monkeys were the highlite of my trip. If you ask my mom, Michael, or Greta they may say ziplining. But for me, it was not such a pleasant experience. I don't know how you can mess up ziplining, but I did. The good news is I confirmed there is no possible way to die on ziplining if you do everything they tell you NOT to do. Anyway, doing turns on half the way down on the zipline and not being able to break when told so pretty much sums up my ziplining experience. Uf. I'm alive. I'll stick to the nature hikes next time, and meet y'all at the bottom.

I want to say thanks again for visiting my community. I hear alot of volunteers say that their families will never come visit them here. Maybe you all weren't up to explore the villages of a third world country, but you did it anyway for me. The people here will be talking about it foreverrrr. Thank you. When are they coming again?! They are asking. They did really enjoy seeing my family, and the people are still saying "esta joven, esta bonita su mama ." What about my brother and sister and law? "Oh, yeah. Them too" Miss you already. So in other news, I moved. Por fin! There comes a point when enough is enough. I probably should have moved before I got to this point. We all knew this. But yes, I moved about a month ago, and it's been great! I still go back and visit my host family almost everyday, and have a great relationship with them. I never feel alone, as there is always people passing by here. Even at night some ladies come and we will practice yoga or just talk. I'm slowly turning back into the person that I was once. My head is coming out of the clouds. I feel healthier. I actually want to be around people when I'm with them. I'm giving them the positive energy and attention that they deserve. Since I moved to a completely new area, I get to know different people. For the first time in 9 months I feel like an adult, and feel independence. I'm able to get my thoughts back as to what my purpose is here. I feel really comfortable with the relationships and my place here in this community. It surprises me just how much spanish I am able to understand. So far this experience has been huge self growth, and a learning experience for me. I'm ready to turn my focus on to the people in my community, and begin some projects that will fit their needs.

Don't let life pass you by.

This blog of photos is for Nora, Bill, and Ann- They remind me how this experience will go by so fast, as it is! Wow 7 months in already? And, also to take lots of photos, because everything will just start "feeling normal" They are right. Here are some pictures I took, that appear quite boring to me, but thought you all may enjoy. Thanks for the reminders!

Just some pictures from around the house: (Handwashing my clothes, pretending to bath, and of course a photo where all the shit goes down (literally))

My first hijo. Que lindo!

Just a quick blog to say, I got a puppy! What kind? Well, its more of a question of, what kind it isn't? But anyway, its cute and I love him! After going back and forth with alot of names, I finally decided on Rocky (all my host family agreed maybe because it was the only name they could pronounce) Rocky, because I wanted it to be a word in english that meant something to me. That something being the good old Rocky Mountains.

After picking off 100 fleas, and giving it a nice long bath, I was excited to cuddle with it in my hammock, and play. Of course everyone thinks I'm crazy and dirty for wanting to hold it. But I'm finding more and more people wanting to hold it (when there aren't alot of people around to see them) I'm finding members of my host family holding their dog alot more too, only to be yelled at shortly thereafter from their father. Whoops.

What an adventure getting these 3 chuchos (Rocky, Cookie, and Lazy) back to the community- The other 2 dogs are my friends. My friend Lorena, her son, and I (see photo below) walking 2 hours back to our community with the 3 chuchitos following close behind. Everytime we heard a car, yelling, "carro!" chasing after our 3 chuchos while they ran away from us. (This might be a 'you just had to be there' type of story, but we had fun!)