The only one who will change will be yourself

Month 9 ...

The month they warned us about. The month where "the plague of the campo" begins. Frustrations, loneliness, struggles. The feelings of having no one, the frustrations of how slowwwwwwwwwwly things get done , the feeling of not being productive.. How can I possibly convince my community to change their views on things, and to try new things, when they have been doing the same thing their whole lives.

It's hard having low moments in the campo - because you really have to get through it by yourself (being miles away from the closest gringo, lack of internet, and living with 700 other people who just don't understand me.)

Changing my mind, and changing the way I look at things and people, usually help me get out of my slumps. It is so easy to stay by myself in my hammock, but I refused to do that. Getting out of my house helps every time. Exercise. Talk. Learn new things. Meet new people.

I also decided to take the happiest moment from each day and write them in my journal: These were some of my moments from last week:
The 3 years old, smarty-pants, kid here finally said, "Salud Jamie!!" He's been saying "Salud Gringa!" for the past 7 months.

• A month ago a 5th grader here fell out of a tree climbing for mangoes. She is in a cast up to her stomach, and is basically stuck in a bed for the next month. I made a card for everyone in her class to sign, and also gave her beads and thread for her to make bracelets. She was extremely happy. Yo tambien!
• Seeing Julietta Vonega in concert! If anyone has this, can they burn me a copy?!
• Receiving the best hugs I ever had in my life from my 2 year old host sister ever time I see her.
  

So during some of the lowest moments I had in my entire life this past month, the thought of leaving this place, never once popped in my mind. Okay, well maybe once, but only with the thought of "no way, that's just crazy". Those moments of isolation and frustration are normal for every volunteer. It's frustrating, because I don't know if the people in my campo will truly understand me or know who I am. I'm not even sure a lot of them understand why I am here. Nonetheless, they are some of the most genuine and caring people I have ever met.

No matter how poor these people are; they will always lavish me with food during each visit. They will send their 5 year old daughter up the tree to bring me down a bag full of mangoes. They will send their 9 year old son to the tienda to bring me back a coffee.. They will ask me if I know their cousin Jose that lives in Michigan. They want to get to the bottom of it; 27 year old girl without a boyfriend or children? How?!! They really don't ask, "So how are you going to help my community?", It's usually "How are your parents doing?", "Are you going to come to this event with me?", or "When are you comingg back to visit?"

Through all my frustrations & feelings of loneliness, I am still thankful everyday to be living in a beautiful country with incredible people. I love these people, and I am just not ready to leave(whatever it is I'm looking for, it's not complete - I'm not done here yet) What it comes down to is there really isn't any other place I would rather be right now. So I just need to embrace it, cause I know it will be over before I know it.


As a side note, I would like to say THANK YOU to all of those who are contributing to my computer project here! I would give individual thanks, but I can't see who is donating until afterward.

As another side note, they began working on my bathroom. I think i may be the only peace corps volunteer in this country that will be blessed with a toilet inside, hot showers, and a bathtub!

Computers for kids!

To my friends and family, As you know, yours truly has been passing time in a small rural village in El Salvador. What an adventure I'm having!! Hard to believe, I've been here for 9 months. My first 7 months here I lived with a wonderful host family, but didn't have the most ideal living situation (sharing a tiny house with 7 people, a room with no door/no privacy, practically living out of my suitcase, eating beans and rice 3 times a day, a host mom in and out of the mental institution, going to the bathroom in an outhouse full of cockroaches, spiders, and flies,etc.) As much as I didn't mind living "rough", I knew having space and privacy would help my mind, and put me in a better mental space to interact and work more positively with the people here. Oh, how alone time, privacy, cooking healthy food, exercising, and organizing your belongings can do wonders for the mind & spirit. These people have given me so much, even though they have so little. They have allowed for me to grow positively, and to be taught some great life lessons. I'm ready to give back. I am trying to help the school here raise enough money to get 15 computers. I've been helping with some fund-raising, such as making and selling champu de sabila (aloe) with students in 7th, 8th, and 9th grade. I hope to also plan some more activities for the future. "Partnership Program" through Peace Corps allows anyone to donate to volunteers projects too. If anyone is interesting in donating money for this project, here is the link: https://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=519-158 Or from http://www.peacecorps.gov/ --- Go to Donate to Volunteers Projects. Two dollars, twenty dollars, or dos cordas. Any amount helps!! I appreciate it... as well as the 300 students here in this small rural village!! I included some pictures: The community; the school, my new house, and of the future computer lab. The gringa: carrying firewood on my head - no that is not sweat, i was swimming in the lake earlier!, getting the chicken ready for dinner, and milking a cow Photos of some of my projects: my english class, making shampoo, and the 5th grade students writing to their penpals in the states Enjoy! Hope everyone is well. Miss you all!! Gracias again for your generosity. Paz y amor. Jamie

Pura Vida

Costa Rica! What a beautiful country, and what a lovely time I had with my family there. We saw lots of wild monkeys. We confirmed that the monkey call is to just simply hold a banana straight up in the air. They will come for it. The monkeys were the highlite of my trip. If you ask my mom, Michael, or Greta they may say ziplining. But for me, it was not such a pleasant experience. I don't know how you can mess up ziplining, but I did. The good news is I confirmed there is no possible way to die on ziplining if you do everything they tell you NOT to do. Anyway, doing turns on half the way down on the zipline and not being able to break when told so pretty much sums up my ziplining experience. Uf. I'm alive. I'll stick to the nature hikes next time, and meet y'all at the bottom.

I want to say thanks again for visiting my community. I hear alot of volunteers say that their families will never come visit them here. Maybe you all weren't up to explore the villages of a third world country, but you did it anyway for me. The people here will be talking about it foreverrrr. Thank you. When are they coming again?! They are asking. They did really enjoy seeing my family, and the people are still saying "esta joven, esta bonita su mama ." What about my brother and sister and law? "Oh, yeah. Them too" Miss you already. So in other news, I moved. Por fin! There comes a point when enough is enough. I probably should have moved before I got to this point. We all knew this. But yes, I moved about a month ago, and it's been great! I still go back and visit my host family almost everyday, and have a great relationship with them. I never feel alone, as there is always people passing by here. Even at night some ladies come and we will practice yoga or just talk. I'm slowly turning back into the person that I was once. My head is coming out of the clouds. I feel healthier. I actually want to be around people when I'm with them. I'm giving them the positive energy and attention that they deserve. Since I moved to a completely new area, I get to know different people. For the first time in 9 months I feel like an adult, and feel independence. I'm able to get my thoughts back as to what my purpose is here. I feel really comfortable with the relationships and my place here in this community. It surprises me just how much spanish I am able to understand. So far this experience has been huge self growth, and a learning experience for me. I'm ready to turn my focus on to the people in my community, and begin some projects that will fit their needs.

Don't let life pass you by.

This blog of photos is for Nora, Bill, and Ann- They remind me how this experience will go by so fast, as it is! Wow 7 months in already? And, also to take lots of photos, because everything will just start "feeling normal" They are right. Here are some pictures I took, that appear quite boring to me, but thought you all may enjoy. Thanks for the reminders!

Just some pictures from around the house: (Handwashing my clothes, pretending to bath, and of course a photo where all the shit goes down (literally))

My first hijo. Que lindo!

Just a quick blog to say, I got a puppy! What kind? Well, its more of a question of, what kind it isn't? But anyway, its cute and I love him! After going back and forth with alot of names, I finally decided on Rocky (all my host family agreed maybe because it was the only name they could pronounce) Rocky, because I wanted it to be a word in english that meant something to me. That something being the good old Rocky Mountains.

After picking off 100 fleas, and giving it a nice long bath, I was excited to cuddle with it in my hammock, and play. Of course everyone thinks I'm crazy and dirty for wanting to hold it. But I'm finding more and more people wanting to hold it (when there aren't alot of people around to see them) I'm finding members of my host family holding their dog alot more too, only to be yelled at shortly thereafter from their father. Whoops.

What an adventure getting these 3 chuchos (Rocky, Cookie, and Lazy) back to the community- The other 2 dogs are my friends. My friend Lorena, her son, and I (see photo below) walking 2 hours back to our community with the 3 chuchitos following close behind. Everytime we heard a car, yelling, "carro!" chasing after our 3 chuchos while they ran away from us. (This might be a 'you just had to be there' type of story, but we had fun!)

Rocky

Land of Dreams.

Everyone has got a dream, you know what I mean.
Everyone wants to see what they've never seen.
You know what I mean.
If you want me tonight, I'm yours.
For as long as I can be.
Everyone becomes invisible in the land of dreams.
- Langhorne Slim
(great song - you should download it)

For those who appreciate great music (or just any music in general- my standards for music have been lowered.), I would love to receive some! (hint, hint) It's great when it comes to hours upon hours of handwashing my clothes. Or when I'm sitting in my hammock, writing my blogs, watching the sunset through an array of beautiful green trees. Music is my sanity.

So I felt that song to be appropriate while writing this blog. So of course the people here believe the jibberish of the world coming to an end in May (due partly to the fact that they are extremely religious). I was having a talk with my Salvadorean friend in my community about one thing we want to do before we die. Her response was she wanted to go to the States to see her son's dad again (It's been 3 years). While talking about my dreams, which included "bicycling to Chile, a yoga retreat in India, and running with the animals in Africa" I realized, I'm living my dream. I remember my middle school/high school years always having an image of being in a developing country in Latin America and playing soccer with little kids. Yup, that pretty much sounds like my life right now. I did it!

Anyway, what have I been up to (outside of playing soccer casi todo los dias)? Well yours truly is getting started on some projects, poco a poco. I've been in the process of grant writing to get computers and huertos (vegetable gardens) for my school here, and later educate the youth the importance of eating healthy, and how to do their own gardens) The grants still include a 25% community contribution, so I've been coordinating with some of the staff and community members for ideas for fundraisers. Well it was more or less me throwing my suggestions out there, and them being like sure sounds good, lets try it. So in the next few weeks, I'm going to try to make shampoo de salvila (aloe) with some students and sell it. Luckily, I found a lady here that knows how to do this, so she told me she would help my first time (I hope she actually meant my second and third time too). I think we're also going to try to do a movie night, and charge dos cordas to enter, and sell popcorn and what not.

Wish me luck.

Que mas? Well, my host mom returned from the mental institution last night. She's been there for 3 weeks. She claims she is doing better, but we will see. Oh, and the house that I can move into is ready. But I do have to admit, the thought of living alone scares me a bit. We all know it is the better option to move out of my house. I think next month I'll give it a shot.

Off to San Salvador on Sunday to be Americanized for the day (eat wings, talk english, and watch the Super Bowl!)

Adios!